I Guess There Is Still Some Of Me That Is Jewish...

...because I sure am good at the whole guilt thing. I have for the past bunch of weeks begun working on my weight (as I may have mentioned). As of today I have lost 14.6 pounds. To do this I have been using the Weight Watchers program. It is awesome because it really is not a diet but a new way to live. I have been learning to eat healthy, make better choices and a huge one for me to learn, portion control. I pile on the salad but go easy on the rest of the meal. And, it was wonderful to know that I did not have to say goodbye to chocolate. It is working so well I have been able to lower my insulin intake considerably.

But the guilt is something I am still trying to learn to not feel. As I said, this really isn't a diet but a new way of life where food is not the enemy. I know it, I can say it but every time I go to eat something outside of breakfast, lunch or dinner, no matter how hungry I might feel I get this guilty feeling too. I am really trying to listen to my body and only eat when I am truly hungry. I must say I have been doing it pretty well too. I just wish that even grabbing something as innocent as a mid morning cup of yogurt didn't make me break out into a cold sweat and swear I can hear the food police coming after me. I can see them, these mean bastards that look like super models and carry huge "Put That Down Fatty" signs. They are skin and bones and have hollow sunken eyes and march in groups in military precise lines. And they live in my head and are out to get me. I just know it and I also know that if they just ate a cheeseburger or piece of dark chocolate they would be nicer.

Ok, yes I am nuts!!!! But I spent a lot of my childhood with my Jewish grandma and learned the fine art of feeling guilty.

Jay and I, on our walk over the weekend, had this whole conversation about how when you are round (I hate the term fat but we are but I will stick with round) people look at you differently when you eat. Like no matter what you eat it is too much and they think "well no wonder".

So now that I have the new eating habits well under way I need to learn not to feel bad for eating.