I am trying to come to terms with myself. It seems I am not having my surgery. I promise you it was not an issue of vanity. I worked wicked hard to lose over 115 pounds. My reward for my hard work? About 25-30 pounds of extra skin on my stomach, thighs & arms that I am powerless to do anything about. No matter how much or little I eat I can not lose this weight. I would be at my goal if I didn't have this skin. So I have a choice to make. I can stop going to Weight Watchers and just follow the program, which I now know like the back of my hand. Or I can go to my doctor and get a note saying this is the weight she is ok with me being at and start the lifetime process. Lifetime on Weight Watchers means you have made it to your goal weight, maintained it for six weeks and then have become a lifetime member which allows you to continue to be a member but for free. Right now I am paying, $40 a month which would be nice to not have to pay. But I don't know if I can say that this is a good weight for me, as I am still not comfortable.
So I am trying to make up my mind on this and to come to terms with being stuck in this body which I feel I have been betrayed by.
Jay says that he loves me so much, is so proud of me and the hard work I have done and that while yes he agrees, the skin is not pretty I am and he sees past it to me. But I wish I could feel better. Or stumble across a winning lottery ticket.
And of course I still have the struggle of food, which I know will be a life long issue. I am proud I have not caved in and let the stress and sadness drive me to eat. So there is that.
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4 comments:
Darling Wendy, you ARE beautiful. I know that it's difficult to see the extra you have as anything but a hindrance and part of a life that you would rather take back. I know, more than just about anyone, what you are going through and have gone through. I don't know why you are not having your surgery (I'm assuming that it's money--from what you say in your post), and I say take the $40.00 a month you are spending on WW and put it up for when you can do the surgery. I wish I could help. Have you thought about something that you could do part-time from home to make some money for it?
On feeling better, I wish I could give you an alternative to food. I can't because I love food. Sushi, I think, is low-cal. I can't imagine that all those skinny Japanese women will go wrong!
I don't think that you should try to lose anymore if you would be at your target without the extra skin. To be healthy doesn't mean to just be thin or weigh a certain amount, it's to have a healthy balance of fat and muscle, which I'm sure you already know.
And I'm glad that Jay is not just giving you lip service and denying that the skin is an issue, if only because that would be lying to you. It SHOULD make you feel better than he's not lying, and you should not feel betrayed by your body. You are supposed to love food--it's what gives us energy to run after the kids, get up in the morning, and make friends. What can you do to feel comfortable? I'm not sure because we each have to get past our own ideas about our bodies. But I can say that believing in what Jay says is a start to feeling at home with who you are physically.
I am proud that you have not caved in, either. But you should be even prouder than me and Jay for all your hard work. You lived with the weight for a long time. You were able to take it off in a short time comparably. If you can do that, I'm sure that if you give yourself some time, you can definitely come up with the money to have the surgery if you and Jay agree on it, and if I can think of anything to help, I'll let you know.
I can relate to your issue. My weight loss also left me with excess skin, which has, over time, shrunk somewhat. Still, I have "bat wings" -- and some other flaws. I've decided to accept things for now. You've made a huge achievement -- pat yourself on the back. Be proud of yourself, no matter what.
Wendy, you're beautiful! You were even before you lost the weight, but seriously... now? Fuggetaboudit.
The skin will shrink some over time, too. In the meantime, **HUGS**
Personally, I think it would mean so much to you to get that key, I would at least try to get the Doctor's note. The first time I lost weight on WW, I hovered 2 pounds over the top number of my weight range for 5 months. I quit and held the weight off, but never got my key. A few years later, they adjusted the weight table up 2 pounds! D'oh! Knowing that key should have been mine was never equal to getting to stand in front of the crowd with that damned key!
That's my 2¢!
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